Apologies have been in the news a lot lately — both genuine apologies and refusals to apologize. Every day, women and men come forward to name those who sexually harassed them. Then we wait to see if the accused will... Read More ›
via Blogger A Good Apology Is Hard to Find
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Apologies have been in the news a lot lately — both genuine apologies and refusals to apologize. Every day, women and men come forward to name those who sexually harassed them. Then we wait to see if the accused will… Read More › via Tumblr A Good Apology Is Hard to Find Negative self-talk is a killer. It can destroy joy, motivation, success, and self-esteem in a heartbeat. Born of fear and anxiety, it’s a powerful force that often lurks below our consciousness. It can be the major determinant of how well or poorly we attain our goals and reach our potential. By learning about negative self-talk, we can end its reign and get on with living our best lives. We can do this by:
Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk1.) Understanding its purpose.
It’s sometimes difficult to view negative self-talk as purposeful. Why, we think, would I ever say things to myself which aren’t in my best interest? Why would I speak to myself in ways that I wouldn’t speak to anyone I love and care deeply about? The answer rests in the process of evolution. When our species began some 200,000 years ago, there was a great deal to fear in our environment: wild animals, natural disasters, enemies – it was truly survival of the fittest. Our fears, tucked away in memory, were crucial to keeping us alive. These fears surfaced in the form of strong emotions and the meaning we made of them, such as fight or flight. So if you thought that you were about to be attacked by a bear, you might have said to yourself, “Gee, that sounds just like a bear, like the one that tried to attack me last time I was in this part of the forest. I’d better skedaddle before he knows I’m here.” Of course, that would be extremely useful self-talk in that moment, because it’s for self-preservation. Fast forward 200,000 years when we have far fewer authentic threats. What was then positive self-talk that protected us is now negative self-talk that prevents us from thriving. It’s true that if you were now in the woods and came upon a bear, you might want to urge yourself to move along in haste. But it would also be important, if you were at the zoo with your son and saw a bear lumbering over to you, not to panic, grab your son’s hand, flee, and start screaming for help. Understanding negative self-talk means that you recognize that it might be there to help you—but it also may end up hurting you.
2.) Listening to our self-chatter.
I use the word chatter to illustrate that our minds are full of babble pretty much all day long. This chatter is background noise that we ignore at our peril. You may be thinking that you don’t engage in self-chatter, but saying to yourself, “Boy, would she get on with it” or “What a bunch of malarkey” is self-talk, that is, speaking words from self to self to express a thought or emotion. We all engage in self-talk – that fact is neither good nor bad. It simply is. It’s part of how humans think and motivate themselves to take action. It’s no different than conversing with other people, except that we’re more conscious of doing the latter than the former. You know, that is, (hopefully) that you’re talking with someone. You don’t always know that you’re having a tête-à-tête with yourself—but you are most of the time. As an eating disorders therapist, my clients describe the conversations they have with themselves about eating certain foods. Self-talk might go like this, “Boy, I sure would love a piece of that cheesecake. But I shouldn’t have it. But I really want it. So what if I eat it. I already had French fries and a milkshake. The day’s already ruined.” It really helps them to focus on what they’re saying to themselves, especially the directives that aren’t going to enhance their eating. If they can start listening to themselves, then they can identify what they’re saying that isn’t helpful.
3.) Identifying negative self-talk.
Once you start to listen closely to the monologue or dialogue that runs through your mind all day long, you can decide what is negative – and stop saying it. Remember that our words reflect our thoughts and beliefs. What we’re really doing is rooting out the cognitions which are not beneficial and replacing them with ones that are. Negative self-talk is chock-full of words such as can’t, should, shouldn’t, bad, and wrong. Frequently, it involves words such as always and never. It impedes progress and smacks of self-denigration. Here are some examples:
Negative self-talk can be general or specific, such as telling yourself you’re not good, or smart, or motivated enough to succeed at anything. It could be picking specific areas, for example, to eat healthfully, find love, or get a decent job. It’s often a repetition of what we’ve been told in childhood, such as that we’re too picky, or quiet or lazy. The sad thing is that we don’t even realize that we’ve internalized someone else’s view of us. We actually believe its truth or fact that we came up with ourselves.
4.) Reframing self-talk.
Reframing is a term that comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that means expressing a thought differently. Let’s say, for instance, that you want to try out for a local cooking contest and you’ve never done anything like that before. Not wanting to make a fool of yourself, you might tell yourself, “That’s a stupid idea. What do I know about cooking?” Obviously, this declaration by your inner critic is bound to impede you from signing up for the contest. A way to reframe your thoughts in a more positive light would be, “That’s an interesting idea. I may not be a professional chef, but everyone’s been telling me for years what a fabulous cook I am.” Reframing involves going from negative to positive. It’s best done in the present tense, so that “I’m signing up today” is better than “I plan to sign up.” It also works best when it’s specific, so that “I’m using that great chili recipe everyone raves about” is more powerful than saying, “I hope I find a good recipe.” Reframing should be done in the moment. If you say something negative about yourself or your abilities – and you catch it – stop right then and reframe your thoughts. Don’t wait. After a while, this three-step process of listening, identifying, and reframing negative self-talk will become a habit.
5.) Replace self-condemnation with self-compassion.
It’s not enough to eliminate negative self-talk. We must replace it by saying something positive about ourselves – that something would be via self-compassion. If you are hard on yourself, you might want to read ‘Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself’ by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.. It explains how we acquire and develop what therapists call a harsh super ego. The book also describes how to think about and speak to yourself in a loving, caring, kind way. As our self-talk is reflective of what we actually think of ourselves, it’s essential to change our self-view so that our talk flows out of it. You will have a hard time erasing negative self-talk if you really believe that you’re a failure, that you’re defective, worthless, lazy, or stupid. Obviously, like the rest of us, you’ve made mistakes, have flaws, are motivated to do some things, and aren’t smart about everything. However, know that you are always worthy and lovable no matter what you internalized about yourself in childhood, or what anyone says about you now. If you want to flip your self-talk from negative to positive, you’ll need to change your self-view. Speaking kindly to yourself in an upbeat manner will help the process. Fake it ‘til you make it works. But the fastest, most sustainable way to turn around your self-chatter is by making sure that you believe you deserve every kind and encouraging word you say to yourself. The post 5 Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Everyday Power Blog. via Blogger 5 Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk Negative self-talk is a killer. It can destroy joy, motivation, success, and self-esteem in a heartbeat. Born of fear and anxiety, it’s a powerful force that often lurks below our consciousness. It can be the major determinant of how well or poorly we attain our goals and reach our potential. By learning about negative self-talk, we can end its reign and get on with living our best lives. We can do this by: Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk1.) Understanding its purpose.It’s sometimes difficult to view negative self-talk as purposeful. Why, we think, would I ever say things to myself which aren’t in my best interest? Why would I speak to myself in ways that I wouldn’t speak to anyone I love and care deeply about? The answer rests in the process of evolution. When our species began some 200,000 years ago, there was a great deal to fear in our environment: wild animals, natural disasters, enemies – it was truly survival of the fittest. Our fears, tucked away in memory, were crucial to keeping us alive. These fears surfaced in the form of strong emotions and the meaning we made of them, such as fight or flight. So if you thought that you were about to be attacked by a bear, you might have said to yourself, “Gee, that sounds just like a bear, like the one that tried to attack me last time I was in this part of the forest. I’d better skedaddle before he knows I’m here.” Of course, that would be extremely useful self-talk in that moment, because it’s for self-preservation. Fast forward 200,000 years when we have far fewer authentic threats. What was then positive self-talk that protected us is now negative self-talk that prevents us from thriving. It’s true that if you were now in the woods and came upon a bear, you might want to urge yourself to move along in haste. But it would also be important, if you were at the zoo with your son and saw a bear lumbering over to you, not to panic, grab your son’s hand, flee, and start screaming for help. Understanding negative self-talk means that you recognize that it might be there to help you—but it also may end up hurting you. 2.) Listening to our self-chatter.I use the word chatter to illustrate that our minds are full of babble pretty much all day long. This chatter is background noise that we ignore at our peril. You may be thinking that you don’t engage in self-chatter, but saying to yourself, “Boy, would she get on with it” or “What a bunch of malarkey” is self-talk, that is, speaking words from self to self to express a thought or emotion. We all engage in self-talk – that fact is neither good nor bad. It simply is. It’s part of how humans think and motivate themselves to take action. It’s no different than conversing with other people, except that we’re more conscious of doing the latter than the former. You know, that is, (hopefully) that you’re talking with someone. You don’t always know that you’re having a tête-à-tête with yourself—but you are most of the time. As an eating disorders therapist, my clients describe the conversations they have with themselves about eating certain foods. Self-talk might go like this, “Boy, I sure would love a piece of that cheesecake. But I shouldn’t have it. But I really want it. So what if I eat it. I already had French fries and a milkshake. The day’s already ruined.” It really helps them to focus on what they’re saying to themselves, especially the directives that aren’t going to enhance their eating. If they can start listening to themselves, then they can identify what they’re saying that isn’t helpful. 3.) Identifying negative self-talk.Once you start to listen closely to the monologue or dialogue that runs through your mind all day long, you can decide what is negative – and stop saying it. Remember that our words reflect our thoughts and beliefs. What we’re really doing is rooting out the cognitions which are not beneficial and replacing them with ones that are. Negative self-talk is chock-full of words such as can’t, should, shouldn’t, bad, and wrong. Frequently, it involves words such as always and never. It impedes progress and smacks of self-denigration. Here are some examples:
Negative self-talk can be general or specific, such as telling yourself you’re not good, or smart, or motivated enough to succeed at anything. It could be picking specific areas, for example, to eat healthfully, find love, or get a decent job. It’s often a repetition of what we’ve been told in childhood, such as that we’re too picky, or quiet or lazy. The sad thing is that we don’t even realize that we’ve internalized someone else’s view of us. We actually believe its truth or fact that we came up with ourselves. 4.) Reframing self-talk.Reframing is a term that comes from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that means expressing a thought differently. Let’s say, for instance, that you want to try out for a local cooking contest and you’ve never done anything like that before. Not wanting to make a fool of yourself, you might tell yourself, “That’s a stupid idea. What do I know about cooking?” Obviously, this declaration by your inner critic is bound to impede you from signing up for the contest. A way to reframe your thoughts in a more positive light would be, “That’s an interesting idea. I may not be a professional chef, but everyone’s been telling me for years what a fabulous cook I am.” Reframing involves going from negative to positive. It’s best done in the present tense, so that “I’m signing up today” is better than “I plan to sign up.” It also works best when it’s specific, so that “I’m using that great chili recipe everyone raves about” is more powerful than saying, “I hope I find a good recipe.” Reframing should be done in the moment. If you say something negative about yourself or your abilities – and you catch it – stop right then and reframe your thoughts. Don’t wait. After a while, this three-step process of listening, identifying, and reframing negative self-talk will become a habit. 5.) Replace self-condemnation with self-compassion.It’s not enough to eliminate negative self-talk. We must replace it by saying something positive about ourselves – that something would be via self-compassion. If you are hard on yourself, you might want to read ‘Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself’ by Kristin Neff, Ph.D.. It explains how we acquire and develop what therapists call a harsh super ego. The book also describes how to think about and speak to yourself in a loving, caring, kind way. As our self-talk is reflective of what we actually think of ourselves, it’s essential to change our self-view so that our talk flows out of it. You will have a hard time erasing negative self-talk if you really believe that you’re a failure, that you’re defective, worthless, lazy, or stupid. Obviously, like the rest of us, you’ve made mistakes, have flaws, are motivated to do some things, and aren’t smart about everything. However, know that you are always worthy and lovable no matter what you internalized about yourself in childhood, or what anyone says about you now. If you want to flip your self-talk from negative to positive, you’ll need to change your self-view. Speaking kindly to yourself in an upbeat manner will help the process. Fake it ‘til you make it works. But the fastest, most sustainable way to turn around your self-chatter is by making sure that you believe you deserve every kind and encouraging word you say to yourself. The post 5 Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Everyday Power Blog. via Tumblr 5 Ways to Stop Negative Self-Talk My relationship failed. I went through divorce, what happened did not define me. I embraced my true self. After 24 years of marriage and finding myself standing in the wreckage of a divorce, I was determined to make my life… Read More › via Tumblr After the divorce, she “re-purposed” her wedding ring to help build a home
Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a... Read More ›
via Blogger Short Story: Looking For Happiness Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a… Read More › via Tumblr Short Story: Looking For Happiness Over the course of our lives, we’ve all developed behaviors or routines that have not served us well in our quest for happiness or success. Although these habits have kept us from achieving our goals, we often find it difficult to break free of them. Sometimes, these negative behaviors become so routine that we perform them without thinking. But over time, bad habits are bound to become obstacles, weighing us down, forcing us to acknowledge that they are not good for us. We will soon feel an urgency to break free. Warren Buffett summed this up quite well:
When we begin to feel the burden of our bad habits, we look around for a quick fix. We turn to others for direction or answers on how to get rid of them. But the truth is that, breaking bad habits are highly dependent on “the man in the mirror.” We must first have the desire or motivation to make a change. Then we must change our mindset and our attitude. This drives us to make the decision to do things differently: to break the habit, or change it. Of course, we must effect a change by doing things in a new manner or using a new method. The mechanism to break bad habits or to change must come from within us and not from others. This quote from former U.S. President Barack Obama not only applies to the broad scope of society and culture, but it applies to the needs of our individual selves:
So, here 15 more motivational quotes to inspire each of us to drop the bad habits, which stand between us and our personal fulfillment.
Inspiring Quotes on Getting Rid of Bad Habits“You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’.” – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
“There are no shortcuts for nurturing the movement toward wholeness other than drinking from the well of self-love.” – Don Stapleton
“You cannot change your future; but, you can change your habits, and surely your habits…will change your future.” – Dr. Abdul Kalam
“Saying NO to the wrong things creates space to say YES to the right things.” – Mack Story
“TRANSFORMATION is much more than using skills, resources and technology. It’s all about HABITS of mind.” – Malcolm Gladwell
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle
“To change habits, we must study the habits of successful role models.” – Jack Canfield
“Ultimately, your state of mind determines your circumstances. To realize the outcomes you want, it is critical to recognize and experience the transition from our present thoughts, habits, and actions to new thoughts, habits, and actions.” – Darren L. Johnson
“Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.” – Arthur Burt
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy NOT on fighting the old but on BUILDING the new.” – Socrates
“If you’re gonna make a change, you’re gonna have to operate from a new belief that says life happens not to me but for me.” – Tony Robbins
“REAL TRANSFORMATION requires real honesty. If you want to move forward – get real with yourself.” – Bryant McGill
“Starting something new or making a big change requires effort, persistence and motivation…Doubt, fear and worry will only slow you down. Focus on doing your best now and celebrate every step of the way.” – Doe Zantamata
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Tony Robbins
“How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” – Unknown
Ready to kick those bad habits goodbye?These inspiring quotes remind us that self-evaluation and mindset changes are necessary in any effort to break bad habits. Breaking bad habits require a process – NOT a knee-jerk reaction. We must be willing to take our lives off autopilot – to evaluate our routines, behaviors, and attitudes. We should determine the most favorable adjustments for our well-being, then, implement them accordingly. The post 15 Inspiring Quotes on Getting Rid of Bad Habits appeared first on Everyday Power Blog. via Blogger 15 Inspiring Quotes on Getting Rid of Bad Habits A precious moment when 108 year-old man tearfully meets his great-great grandson named after him2/27/2018
This is Mr. Esmond Allcock. Born outside of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, in 1910, this dapper gentleman turned 108 on January 26. He is officially the oldest man in Canada! He is a husband to one, a father to six, a... Read More ›
via Blogger A precious moment when 108 year-old man tearfully meets his great-great grandson named after him Over the course of our lives, we’ve all developed behaviors or routines that have not served us well in our quest for happiness or success. Although these habits have kept us from achieving our goals, we often find it difficult to break free of them. Sometimes, these negative behaviors become so routine that we perform them without thinking. But over time, bad habits are bound to become obstacles, weighing us down, forcing us to acknowledge that they are not good for us. We will soon feel an urgency to break free. Warren Buffett summed this up quite well:
When we begin to feel the burden of our bad habits, we look around for a quick fix. We turn to others for direction or answers on how to get rid of them. But the truth is that, breaking bad habits are highly dependent on “the man in the mirror.” We must first have the desire or motivation to make a change. Then we must change our mindset and our attitude. This drives us to make the decision to do things differently: to break the habit, or change it. Of course, we must effect a change by doing things in a new manner or using a new method. The mechanism to break bad habits or to change must come from within us and not from others. This quote from former U.S. President Barack Obama not only applies to the broad scope of society and culture, but it applies to the needs of our individual selves:
So, here 15 more motivational quotes to inspire each of us to drop the bad habits, which stand between us and our personal fulfillment. Inspiring Quotes on Getting Rid of Bad Habits“You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought, ‘I release the need for this in my life’.” – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
“There are no shortcuts for nurturing the movement toward wholeness other than drinking from the well of self-love.” – Don Stapleton
“You cannot change your future; but, you can change your habits, and surely your habits…will change your future.” – Dr. Abdul Kalam
“Saying NO to the wrong things creates space to say YES to the right things.” – Mack Story
“TRANSFORMATION is much more than using skills, resources and technology. It’s all about HABITS of mind.” – Malcolm Gladwell
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle
“To change habits, we must study the habits of successful role models.” – Jack Canfield
“Ultimately, your state of mind determines your circumstances. To realize the outcomes you want, it is critical to recognize and experience the transition from our present thoughts, habits, and actions to new thoughts, habits, and actions.” – Darren L. Johnson
“Nothing happens until the pain of remaining the same outweighs the pain of change.” – Arthur Burt
“The secret of change is to focus all your energy NOT on fighting the old but on BUILDING the new.” – Socrates
“If you’re gonna make a change, you’re gonna have to operate from a new belief that says life happens not to me but for me.” – Tony Robbins
“REAL TRANSFORMATION requires real honesty. If you want to move forward – get real with yourself.” – Bryant McGill
“Starting something new or making a big change requires effort, persistence and motivation…Doubt, fear and worry will only slow you down. Focus on doing your best now and celebrate every step of the way.” – Doe Zantamata
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Tony Robbins
“How does one become a butterfly? You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.” – Unknown
Ready to kick those bad habits goodbye?These inspiring quotes remind us that self-evaluation and mindset changes are necessary in any effort to break bad habits. Breaking bad habits require a process – NOT a knee-jerk reaction. We must be willing to take our lives off autopilot – to evaluate our routines, behaviors, and attitudes. We should determine the most favorable adjustments for our well-being, then, implement them accordingly. The post 15 Inspiring Quotes on Getting Rid of Bad Habits appeared first on Everyday Power Blog. via Tumblr 15 Inspiring Quotes on Getting Rid of Bad Habits |
AuthorI love to travel world and experience other cultures, their cuisines and tradition. Travel is how I define my happiness. Archives
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